28 Signs You Have a Drinking Problem

1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

2. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth 

3. Job interfering with your drinking. 

4. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream. 

5. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.

6. Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.

7. Twenty four hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not!

8. Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!

9. "Norm!" is what they say when you enter the bar.

10. When you can focus better with one eye closed

11. The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar

12. Every woman you see has an exact twin.

13. You wake up to find Windows 95 installed on your machine.

14. If you keep asking your wife "where are the kids?", but you don't

really have a wife and you're talking to the refrigerator.

15. You fall off the floor.

16. You discover in the morning liquid cleaning supplies have disappeared.

17. Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.

18. Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!

19. Beer: it's not just for breakfast anymore.

20. The glass keeps missing your mouth.

21. George W. Bush starts to make sense.

22. When you go to donate blood and they ask what proof?

23. Vampires get woozy after biting you.

24. The only drinking problem is not having a drink right now.

25. At AA meeting you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."

26. Your idea of cutting back is less seltzer.

27. When vomiting becomes a relief.

28. Having a hard time staying on the side walk - left, right, stumble, fall